01022012

'久一点' these 3 words non stop repeating in royee's mouth and my hearts... I feel the pain and unwillingness.

kl off day. morning I sent royee to the childcare centre. evening I pick up him. pack dinner for him and supervise his homework. the homework load is tiring. I help out on cutting and pasting, then colouring parts.

non stop he asking me, what time are you leaving? '9pm' from then, non stop he asked me to stay for longer time. I was tired too. and I worried about angels' homework too. recently they were being lazy and playful.






by 9pm. me leaving..





still the boy asked me to stay longer.. at least until he sleeps..





mummy, can you not working tomorrow? mummy can you take leave? for 366 days? or at least 50 days..





laogong chased me away. he said, if I still stay there, the boy not going to finish his homework..





but the boy looked so sad.. begging and begging softly.. I asked him to snap pic, at least, he gonna smile in the photo.

on the way driving back home, my feeling was so mixed. I want royee to learn independent.. I want to stay with him everyday.. I want 1 family stay under one roof.. I want to stop working.. I want my own life too.. so confused :(

then I called laogong to check if royee was sleeping. laogong passed together phone to royee. a bit noisy in the conversation. I asked him what he was doing? '哭' I was confused, what ku? you mean crying? 'yes. 我在哭，我想念你'.. heart broken when I heard he was crying coz missing me :~

I get him to call me back when he is ready on the bed. so he called. I sing 2 songs - 'thank you Jesus' and 'in moments like these'.. after that, he said enough, he had kept the songs in his hearts...

I checked angels homework. they didn't do their homework. I wrapped their exercise books, placed the books on the table, so they can do the homework 1st thing in the morning.
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02022012 morning..

laogong called me when I was at the train station. he told me this..

= your son last night was busy packing his school bag, asked this and that should bring to school or not.. suddenly he became quiet. then I heard tear dropping sound.. he was crying. I asked 'why are you crying?' he didn't answer. 'you miss mummy?' he nodded his head "i miss mummy so much!" 'you faster pack everything then call mummy' =

now I can continue the scene when I called royee, he sounded 'noisy' over the phone. I don't know what should i do now except for waiting till Friday comes. next Monday and Tuesday are holidays too. I will bring children go outing, I want to go to the nature.. recently, just wanting to have fresh air and sweat myself out..