Life alarm

Last night sis n I went to ktv, enjoyed listening to nice songs. Songs we used to sing n get ourselves having fun in the room, now we are not having the same excitement. Time change, mood change, the level that a song can comfort or satisfy our soul need has changed. Ya, life issues pushing us day by day.

12.30-2am, I shared my pressure with laogong, my recent days pressure at home, to children, from the office n myself... Thanks laogong for listening. pray for better day each day. I told laogong, everyday, I am counting down the day when I can come to bkt31, I can
stop checking time, I can stay with bbb day n night, I can meet my sis. Ya, last night I have a good laugh after months, when I found out sis wearing the wrong shoe to food counter in the ktv - 1 foot with mine, 1 foot with her crocs :D simple silly act, can make me laugh my heart out :p

Opened my eyes nearly 7am, then I can't fall asleep anymore. A beautiful Sunday morning, children r sleeping, laogong is snoring, n I am sitting on my bed typing this post. What borthering? My yesterday pap smear test.

Went for my 2nd follow up test after the eaelier abnormal result. when the cell sample taken, gynae asked me any question to ask. This is not the gynae I used to consult, in fact, I just spot entering this clinic because of the insurance company needs my latest pap smear test result. I informed the new gynae about my previous case, then he said I need to do a more detailed test, another type of pap smear, forget the name. More sample taken, n this is not the normal thin smear, for this, the sampel cells taken gonna put in the water n let computer analyse for accurate result. Normal thin smear is only check by eyes.

Came out from the clinic, my feeling a bit calm, but my brain is busy. All sorts of thoughts, if this accurate result is abnormal, the insurance don't accept my policy I am ok, but 'how har?' again, I put myself again in hpv n cancer dilemma.. Hmm I told laogong, if I have need to go for any medical treatment, then I will stay in my current company till old, coz I need to insurance benefits :p then I can stop have the idea, stop working with the company n go to be a kinder teacher which I can save my transportation n expenses for working in kl. Seriously, I told my supervisor about this, he 'har? U want to be teacher???' ^_^

Well, life goes on no matter what's up in our daily life. Children music class gonna increase the monthly fees, more burden to our monthly expenses, but I don't want to stop the course, I want music education to be asset for bbb, I told laogong, this is the backup skill to bbb for future survive, they can teach music, be composer, audio engineer... The most important thing, they can offer themselves to the church by playing piano in services ^_^

Ok, time's up, need to prepare myself n children for Sunday worship, mau pergi the church lo ta-ta!

mummy n bbb

last friday, i took a day leave, with this reason to my boss 'sorry, with my house issue, i cant focus on my work, i really need a rest'. today is friday, am feeling ok from the issue, at least, i can focus on my work :p

thursday nite brought bbb to bkt31 without the maid. friday i brought them to subang parade, outing for their school holidays. quite challenging trip, 1 mummy n 3 bbb. non stop i reminding them to be good gal n good boy ^_^

before we left the house. can see me look so chan rite?

slept for 3 hours only :S


in subang parade. bbb were happy ^_^

lunch at TGI friday. fish n chips for bbb and another mini burgers kids set.

sis joined us for lunch too.

in the transparant lift, new experience to bbb

2nd round, dessert at secret recipe

this green tea ice blended is nice!! refreshing

asked bbb to take pic with the footballs

they looked at the auntie, who non stop standing besides me n say

'your children are so beautiful! so pretty' :p

they enjoying themselve ^_^

pretending to eat ice cream :p

doraemon being sabotage

reached home around 4pm.. eva flat! slept at the doorstep

angel flat too!

i bought megablock refills and vsmile for bbb

paid with company annual gift - rm500 vouchers :D

these are the stuff i bought with previous years rm500 shopping vouchers

2007 - the green tommy hilfiger bag

2008 - the red tocco toscano bag

2009 - SKII skin care set

2010 - 5 years old school bags for angels and toys

this cutie dora is the gift bbb chosen for maid's daughter

no matter how, we need to thank kakak for taking care bbb for 2 years :)

a nice outing with bbb. can see royee grown matured n taking care his sisters. Can feel, bbb are more attached to mummy :D

Am still awake..

02:02 am sitting on the floor, iPhone battery still charging, bbb n laogong are sleeping n am still awake. Wondering why the room aircond is noisy, it is on, but no any light indicator is on. All the lights are resting, except my iPhone. My heart is in dark, my brain is blank. Hmm.

An hour ago, I typed a blog post, almost finished but technically it gone with the wind. Hmm it was a sunny feeling sharing, frust lo just gone like that. Eva is crying again, must be having nightmare.

My body is warm, feverish. Found this pic describing me. U can see me trying to make myself look more sunny with colorful outfit, but my body n mind is in grey. Hmmm.. Will skip today angels music class, am giving myself 3 days leave started since Thursday nite.

Pic coloured by bbb

- Posted from my iPhone

my paps result!

Just called up my gynae’s clinic to check my pap smear result, NORMAL! no HPV infection! The result is NORMAL ‘takde apa apa la, normal je la’

Eeeeee-HA! What a good news for today :D so wait for another 6 mth then only go for another test, as what I know, we need to get continuous 3 times normal result, then only can go for 1 year once test. Anyhow, this is my 1st normal :D take good care of my health n emotion :p, as HPV most of them time can cure by own body antibody.

So I have special note to my laogong n sis..

Zhugong, treat me nice nice har :D spend for me good foods n once a while giving me small surprise, BIG gifts to continue my GOOD mood hehe..

Mie, cheong-K la wei~!!! Hopefully herbaline body massage package can have more months la :p total relaxation ooooo :D

Ya.. very happy now :D hopefully, this Sunday my body checkup report is ok too! ^_^

wondering...

What's the cause for the pain. Non stop feeling sort of period pain. Came out early today, wanted to complete the report n submit it out by 10am, but I miss the train. So having my breakfast at mamak restaurant. Milo kosong, coz I need to avoid milk. Hmm no appetite these few days, the pain made me not ok. Thinking to buy beef burger for lunch, my bp is low 90/60 it's low for my normal bp reading. Papa n mama r worried, hmm papa non stop asking me how 'i also don't know how' will do something to bring up my bp, cox a bit weak now.

busy nite

Last nite didn't sleep well. Before falling asleep, so many things came to my mind. Decided to call up the hospital for my operation appointment. Maybe go on January, then after cny, I can start my brand new year. Think about the movie avatar. We should love n care about our mother earth, don't let the earth crying anymore. Very nice story line, n we watched it at 2nd row seats. Without 3D glasses, we have the 3D feel too, coz it was so near to the screen.

Last nite dream about my pregnancy test got positive, the 2nd pink color line was so obvious. Somemore can remind myself, 'helo, u r always have safe sex, how come got pregnant, don't think too much' haha silly me. Then suddenly got myself as Malay lady, wearing baju kurung n tudung. Hmmm so kelam kabut in my last nite dream. All sort of silly n funny scenes.

Reaching the office, am on the train. Stomach feeling not ok, n I found myself catching my breath. Yesterday when I got my bp check, I got low blood pula. Hmm no wonder I got dizziness.

Laogong feeling unhappy when I first said didn't want to watch movie coz I was sleepy

Laogong bought the avatar pop corn set, he said can give it to royee, I found it expansive

mc again :(

Am now at sea park, laogong collecting the house loan statement, plan to refinance the house loan to get lower interest rate. In the car, am blogging. Non stop receiving calls from end users n vendors, I answer all calls politely, everyone is rushing for year end closing n payment, feel so sorry to get sick n mc at this critical time. Morning I sent a sorry SMS to my boss n team lead :(

Just out from bp lab for my full body checkup. Not easy to take my blood, cucuk here n there, feeling pain but I controlled my tears. The staff didn't explain to me about the package with pap smear test 'u haven't got married, pap smear only for ppl who have sex' ya, am still a 'virgin' :p I taken the package with those normal blood n urine profile n some other ultrasounds then additional hepatitis-a antibody which the gal said highly recommended for YOUNG ppl (like me keke) n another blood test to test on bacteria on gastric or something for stomach - I need anything for stomach, coz my stomach is weak even the Thai massage shifu telling that.

The body checkup is not the main reason for my medical leave. Since yesterday in the office, I have been feeling not ok, stomach pain or cramp i dont know, just feel so weak. Luckily laogong picked me up, so I didn't need to drive back home. Reached home I only took hot sweet potato soup then went in bed. Facing down then I feel better. Then fall asleep quite early.

This morning, still feeling very weak. In fact the pain is like what I had experienced in October - a week mc. Laogong sent me to Sjmc to visit my gynae. Dr scanned my womb said ok. Since I was there then I did my pap smear together which due for 3 mth. For the pain, dr given the medic to reduce womb cramp, suspected that coz. Also asked me don't take milk. I been stopping taking milk after my October pain. Last time during pregnancy dr said my womb sensitive, so when ppl kicking or moving, I felt the pain n the contraction for early delivery. Now if say my womb cramps, possible to believe so. For the pap smear, I asked dr, if this time test, everything alright, then I don't need to do pap smear so frequent? Ya, 6 mth after. Hmmm from 3 mth to 6mth, I thot it can be 1 year once. Am in year end happy mood, so I don't ask 'what if the result is still not ok?' I will know the result in a week time anyhow.

Now going back to bkt31, want to take medic n sleep. Luckily laogong is on leave, so I don't need to drive. Hopefully all the blood test n pap smear ok, then I can work hard to achieve all my 2010 goals :D yet to sit down n write all the to-do for new year, but all r in my minds already, always thinking too much, White hairs non stop growing :p

Cucuk sini cucuk sana..

Finally got the limited precious flow from here.. It was really slow.

N need both the dr n assistant for the blood collection.

Ss15 rojak

Laogong like it, n taken my portion too!

happy sisters ^_^

'mie，我们还有很多地方没有去，我要去日本，你要去英国，我们要拍很多的照片，吃很多很多美食，我们要像傻大姐的在外地碰钉子，然后才哈哈狂笑彼此的无知，我们还没一起住在新家，我们一起设计屋子还没完成，我们还没买ISLAND，我们还没放壁画，我们在家赚钱的计划还没去实现，我期待着我们各带自己的孩子一同去游玩，能想象到当时的我一定很像恶婆那样的骂小孩，而你就会用爱的教育的劝告小孩，你有看到那画面吗？真的很难想象其中一方会离开彼此，我也不知道我的健康是否已亮红灯，是因为我还没去检查..如果我也有事，可怜我们的baba mama.....'

eyes wet wet after reading this from sis >>> blog then received email from sis 'Lastnite I write my blog.. I sambil write sambil cry.. so cham.. Many things we haven’t do, if both of us got problem.. how? Haiz..'

hmm.. (pausing for quite a long while.. so many pictures in my mind) well, before everything, i am in sunny mood today. sunshine is coming over me~~ i can sing this song :p today am wearing larger size office wear, so i dont need to pull my fit n short shirt so frequent. i tight my hair, so i look fresh ^_^ mission for today is to look into outstanding account. . Bersemangat nie :p I slept for more than 9 hours last nite. so tired, I just cant even prepare bbb to sleep, n I felt asleep. Maybe my body is in tense. Another brand new day :D n I reach the office 30 minutes early from my normal days :p

in fact, I am feeling okay, though so many things come in so fast in these 1.5 months. Maybe children weekend classes schedules and party celebrations keep me occupied. So about my health issue, am following dr’s instruction, taking medic, the rest, leave it to God. These days, I got knowledge grow in medic, our body structure n creation is so amazing! And our technology is so superb! From OG vaginal side to colon to rectum, from bleeding to yellowish discharge, and I do learn many new medic jargon n symptoms of decease too J at the same time, I see many concerns n caring from my friends and colleagues, n of course, my beloved family members :D LOVE ***

this morning when I was driving, thot of sis. She has been in down mood these weeks, pressure from work n colleague n staff, then her health issue as well. Then at the same time, my health issue bothering her too. this time, I feel a bit uneasy to cheer her up, coz she is thinking the way to cheer me up too. so what I can say is, we need to support each other, we can share our laughter and tears ^_^ bruce is away, laogong is not so very into my health issue – lacking of the knowledge or man tidak apa behavior? Whatever it is, thank God for giving me a caring n lovely sis. From my big belly of pregnancies to my big belly of gas and don’t-know-what’s-going-on-internally, she is still the one, taking her annual leave and company me to the same medical center. I appreciate that and the love to her, is ocean deep – without water pollution :)

mie, it’s ok. I hope the company listing is on. Then if I have share allotment, if I earn some money from there, then probably next year we can travel to some new places and take many many nice pic :D hmm shall I buy a camera for myself 1st? a bit cacat now the unit. As what I told u, plan to stay in bkt31 in next year end, n hope with bruce’s earning now, then u all can get married soon, then together we stay in the same house. so u don’t need to worry unnecessary people disturbs your room arrangement :) what we need to do now is, take good care of ourselves, health 1st. at the same time, continue enjoying our time in kitchen and restaurants :p yippie~

for those who worry about me n sis, we r okay, we r doing well, bcoz we r always happy go lucky persons, for internally down side of us, it’s ok, coz we are having each other to support and be inspired. So, u all will continue seeing many nice pic as usual in our blogs, or some geli pic from sis’s blog :p and we r still a couple of HAPPY sweetie cutie mehmeh SISTERS!

happy 4t bday~

time flies~ royee is a big boy now :) n thanks for everything and everyone who guide me and groom me in the motherhood experience ^_^ back in year 2005, i was having uneasy feeling on my big tummy, sort of period pain, admitted to be monitored by my gynae, i was feeling ok at that time, coz i was waiting for my 1st bb to b delivered.

today, in year 2009, am also also having lower abdomen pain, when serious, then it would be like contraction pain, if normal, then it would be like period pain. same thing, my gynae given me 3 days mc, taken my vaginal discharge for test, n my condition is being monitored. no more vaginal bleeding after taking medic, but the pain is still on. this time, i dont feel ok, coz i dislike unknown n uncertainty.

2 days staying in bkt31, so i can have a good rest, missing bbb so much. bkt31 is so quiet when it is without bbb n sis. n my iphone has sent for warranty repair, n my laptop is at banting. so, life is so simple, when u r disconnected with outside world. no blog, no emails, no facebook, no connection. using my dad's old phone, so only sms. i prefer this silence. i can hear the fan spinning, and i can really feel which spot in my abdomen is painful. using laogong's laptop now, no mouse, a bit handicapped.

1st oct, a brand new month. busy mth for my family, bbb bday, kakak bday, mooncake festival, our 6th years anniversary. as what As told me, be brave to face LIFE. ya, am doing ok, just hoping my test report can come out faster, then my dec pap test would be ok, then i would be happily end year 2009 - a very challenging year to me!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

i love royee boy~

midnite talk

5.15am am listening to qin ai de, i need sunny happy tune. 4am wake up from my dream, many nightmares eg my grandma masuk jail bcoz of wanting to visit her son hmm.. Something on laogong forgot already..

Travel to UK with sis, so the happy, we go to mothercare! But wondering why we enter watson. Not sure if uk has watson, n i try nice rasberry cake in watson, then sis buy some xmas souvenirs. Sounds great right? Go to my dreamland, see the origin mothercare shop, with my dearest sis on our favorite xmas day!! But, the reminder comes in, when the watson cashier asked my sis, r u sure u want to buy these? They cost £102 each. I look at the thing, the xmas tree deco, tongkat alike small thingy. Ya why buy it, so the expansive n not worth it! Convert to ringgit msia, wahhh! (sis's accountant habit, so calculative :p) Then sis being in silence, suddenly i can read her thought, these r cute, easy to carry along n they bring meaning of sis, uk, dreamland, xmas, n sis may leaving..... (5.26 am am dropping my tears, non stop :~~~)

5.29am huuuhhhh 5.30am am controlling my tears. Like a fountain hmmm. am charging my phone, am sitting on angel's matress, angel sleeps on my bed, i wrap myself with blanket, in the dark aircond room, listening to happy tune..

1st time crying after the pap test result. I read many forums on hpv, also read about ppl crying everytime when they got their pap test or hpv result. Hmm. Last evening when i drive back home from the training class, i was listening to 'amazing grace' so the peaceful, n i think of this, can i have no tears throughout this journey? Even the end result is so bad, i must also be smiling n laughing.. N ask my friends n family dont need to worry n be sad bcoz of me? Just now when i wake up at 4am, i check my yahoo messenger, got messages from laogong, missing laogong so much :( i think of this, when laogong comes back from singapore, i may hug him n cry.. But just now, thinking of sis's worry of losing me n what she wrote in her blog, i know both of us thinking the same - what's next? When?

So far, i am not in fear. Am ready for everything mentally. Financially, need to depend on my medical card n papa sponsorship if treatments needed :p oh ya, i have my epf too! but. Am worried about my bbb. This is the only thing that pause me for being total release n peaceful mind.

Well, i know there is a turning point for everything, maybe my next 3 mth report will show satisfactory result. As i told As yesterday, this is a sakit, then i go for treatment lo. She said, u r talking about yourself right? N u r laughing now? I told her, if it is bad case, n if i be sad n ignore it, then i would die more faster.

Think of this way, worse case is having cancer, n i need to go thru not comfortable punya treatment process. Worst case is it cannot be cured n i cannot continue staying with my dearest family members n beloved bbb. But i can see angels (not my bb angels har) n God in the heaven :D ok what, this is another God's challenge, i have accepted it. Remember this, God always gives u challenge that u can handle ^_^

5.53am suppose to wake up at 6am n prepare myself to work. Yesterday n today i have motivational class on 'find your purpose in work' at the same time, it tells about purpose of life. This class comes in the right time :) wants to go to the office earlier, so i can reply some urgent queries from end users, n update blog :p kakak left my laptop at bkt31, n wondering why i cant update blog with my iphone hmm.

Gambatte!! Yo! Yo! :D

Ps: blog edited on 8.18am, soooo many spelling mistakes :p i was not ok just now hehe. N i wont gave extra time to do some office work n update blog, i have only time for quick breakfast. Cannot skip meal ooo. Now i am like pregnant mummy, eat well sleep well dont skip vitamins n food supplement n dont pressure myself :) let body immune sys does the rest ^_^ coz i dont know what else to do while waiting for my next test.

my pap smear result

called up the clinic for my routine pap smear result, then the nurse asked me to call back n talk to my gynae. then called back, the nurse said, gynae wanted to see me n discuss with me. before i made appointment, i asked againf for the result thru phone call, the nurse said need to discuss with gyane, after i insisted, she only told me, i need to go for further test on HPV.

very quickly i search online about HPV - human papillomavirus then a lot la info came out. cervical cancer is the main thing that caught my eyes. oppps.. so many info, hpv is the 2nd smallest virus after HIV, no treatment, no symptom.. but also got something to make u release a bit, not all the hiv is cancerous.. so many so many.. was blank at that moment (so many silly emails i typed on that day :p)

ok. went to see gynae. simple n quick. doctor showed me my report, out of the few sentences, he circled the HPV infection. 'u r having hpv infection. this may lead to cancer' then he handover to me a cervical cancer & hpv related diseaces booklet. 'have u heard about hpv?' he looked into my eyes n asked me. 'yes' i was calm. when u know more about the topic, u wont be nervous, so i thank the nurse who hints me about the report 1st. or else, i might so the nervous or scared or whatver la in front of the doctor :)

then, came out from the room, met mei who came to the clinic for her postnatal checkup. i told her this. so the calm one. i was proud of myself :) called up my sis, she cried in the office, poor gal. thanks for loving me so much. or memang aquarius gal likes to cry huh? :p called up laogong, laogong being silent. went back home told papa n mama, mama said, it's ok, u have 3 children already. papa said if it is still early stage, do whatever to make it better. sms my 2 brothers, no reply from them. sis said, how u want them to reply to u, talk this cannot, talk that cannot, they must be feeling bad now.

it's ok.. i am feeling peacefully. only bbb in my mind.. n pls do your pap smear test if u haven’t done so..