5.15am am listening to qin ai de, i need sunny happy tune. 4am wake up from my dream, many nightmares eg my grandma masuk jail bcoz of wanting to visit her son hmm.. Something on laogong forgot already..
Travel to UK with sis, so the happy, we go to mothercare! But wondering why we enter watson. Not sure if uk has watson, n i try nice rasberry cake in watson, then sis buy some xmas souvenirs. Sounds great right? Go to my dreamland, see the origin mothercare shop, with my dearest sis on our favorite xmas day!! But, the reminder comes in, when the watson cashier asked my sis, r u sure u want to buy these? They cost £102 each. I look at the thing, the xmas tree deco, tongkat alike small thingy. Ya why buy it, so the expansive n not worth it! Convert to ringgit msia, wahhh! (sis's accountant habit, so calculative :p) Then sis being in silence, suddenly i can read her thought, these r cute, easy to carry along n they bring meaning of sis, uk, dreamland, xmas, n sis may leaving..... (5.26 am am dropping my tears, non stop :~~~)
5.29am huuuhhhh 5.30am am controlling my tears. Like a fountain hmmm. am charging my phone, am sitting on angel's matress, angel sleeps on my bed, i wrap myself with blanket, in the dark aircond room, listening to happy tune..
1st time crying after the pap test result. I read many forums on hpv, also read about ppl crying everytime when they got their pap test or hpv result. Hmm. Last evening when i drive back home from the training class, i was listening to 'amazing grace' so the peaceful, n i think of this, can i have no tears throughout this journey? Even the end result is so bad, i must also be smiling n laughing.. N ask my friends n family dont need to worry n be sad bcoz of me? Just now when i wake up at 4am, i check my yahoo messenger, got messages from laogong, missing laogong so much :( i think of this, when laogong comes back from singapore, i may hug him n cry.. But just now, thinking of sis's worry of losing me n what she wrote in her blog, i know both of us thinking the same - what's next? When?
So far, i am not in fear. Am ready for everything mentally. Financially, need to depend on my medical card n papa sponsorship if treatments needed :p oh ya, i have my epf too! but. Am worried about my bbb. This is the only thing that pause me for being total release n peaceful mind.
Well, i know there is a turning point for everything, maybe my next 3 mth report will show satisfactory result. As i told As yesterday, this is a sakit, then i go for treatment lo. She said, u r talking about yourself right? N u r laughing now? I told her, if it is bad case, n if i be sad n ignore it, then i would die more faster.
Think of this way, worse case is having cancer, n i need to go thru not comfortable punya treatment process. Worst case is it cannot be cured n i cannot continue staying with my dearest family members n beloved bbb. But i can see angels (not my bb angels har) n God in the heaven :D ok what, this is another God's challenge, i have accepted it. Remember this, God always gives u challenge that u can handle ^_^
5.53am suppose to wake up at 6am n prepare myself to work. Yesterday n today i have motivational class on 'find your purpose in work' at the same time, it tells about purpose of life. This class comes in the right time :) wants to go to the office earlier, so i can reply some urgent queries from end users, n update blog :p kakak left my laptop at bkt31, n wondering why i cant update blog with my iphone hmm.
Gambatte!! Yo! Yo! :D
Travel to UK with sis, so the happy, we go to mothercare! But wondering why we enter watson. Not sure if uk has watson, n i try nice rasberry cake in watson, then sis buy some xmas souvenirs. Sounds great right? Go to my dreamland, see the origin mothercare shop, with my dearest sis on our favorite xmas day!! But, the reminder comes in, when the watson cashier asked my sis, r u sure u want to buy these? They cost £102 each. I look at the thing, the xmas tree deco, tongkat alike small thingy. Ya why buy it, so the expansive n not worth it! Convert to ringgit msia, wahhh! (sis's accountant habit, so calculative :p) Then sis being in silence, suddenly i can read her thought, these r cute, easy to carry along n they bring meaning of sis, uk, dreamland, xmas, n sis may leaving..... (5.26 am am dropping my tears, non stop :~~~)
5.29am huuuhhhh 5.30am am controlling my tears. Like a fountain hmmm. am charging my phone, am sitting on angel's matress, angel sleeps on my bed, i wrap myself with blanket, in the dark aircond room, listening to happy tune..
1st time crying after the pap test result. I read many forums on hpv, also read about ppl crying everytime when they got their pap test or hpv result. Hmm. Last evening when i drive back home from the training class, i was listening to 'amazing grace' so the peaceful, n i think of this, can i have no tears throughout this journey? Even the end result is so bad, i must also be smiling n laughing.. N ask my friends n family dont need to worry n be sad bcoz of me? Just now when i wake up at 4am, i check my yahoo messenger, got messages from laogong, missing laogong so much :( i think of this, when laogong comes back from singapore, i may hug him n cry.. But just now, thinking of sis's worry of losing me n what she wrote in her blog, i know both of us thinking the same - what's next? When?
So far, i am not in fear. Am ready for everything mentally. Financially, need to depend on my medical card n papa sponsorship if treatments needed :p oh ya, i have my epf too! but. Am worried about my bbb. This is the only thing that pause me for being total release n peaceful mind.
Well, i know there is a turning point for everything, maybe my next 3 mth report will show satisfactory result. As i told As yesterday, this is a sakit, then i go for treatment lo. She said, u r talking about yourself right? N u r laughing now? I told her, if it is bad case, n if i be sad n ignore it, then i would die more faster.
Think of this way, worse case is having cancer, n i need to go thru not comfortable punya treatment process. Worst case is it cannot be cured n i cannot continue staying with my dearest family members n beloved bbb. But i can see angels (not my bb angels har) n God in the heaven :D ok what, this is another God's challenge, i have accepted it. Remember this, God always gives u challenge that u can handle ^_^
5.53am suppose to wake up at 6am n prepare myself to work. Yesterday n today i have motivational class on 'find your purpose in work' at the same time, it tells about purpose of life. This class comes in the right time :) wants to go to the office earlier, so i can reply some urgent queries from end users, n update blog :p kakak left my laptop at bkt31, n wondering why i cant update blog with my iphone hmm.
Gambatte!! Yo! Yo! :D
Ps: blog edited on 8.18am, soooo many spelling mistakes :p i was not ok just now hehe. N i wont gave extra time to do some office work n update blog, i have only time for quick breakfast. Cannot skip meal ooo. Now i am like pregnant mummy, eat well sleep well dont skip vitamins n food supplement n dont pressure myself :) let body immune sys does the rest ^_^ coz i dont know what else to do while waiting for my next test.
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