happy 4t bday~

time flies~ royee is a big boy now :) n thanks for everything and everyone who guide me and groom me in the motherhood experience ^_^ back in year 2005, i was having uneasy feeling on my big tummy, sort of period pain, admitted to be monitored by my gynae, i was feeling ok at that time, coz i was waiting for my 1st bb to b delivered.

today, in year 2009, am also also having lower abdomen pain, when serious, then it would be like contraction pain, if normal, then it would be like period pain. same thing, my gynae given me 3 days mc, taken my vaginal discharge for test, n my condition is being monitored. no more vaginal bleeding after taking medic, but the pain is still on. this time, i dont feel ok, coz i dislike unknown n uncertainty.

2 days staying in bkt31, so i can have a good rest, missing bbb so much. bkt31 is so quiet when it is without bbb n sis. n my iphone has sent for warranty repair, n my laptop is at banting. so, life is so simple, when u r disconnected with outside world. no blog, no emails, no facebook, no connection. using my dad's old phone, so only sms. i prefer this silence. i can hear the fan spinning, and i can really feel which spot in my abdomen is painful. using laogong's laptop now, no mouse, a bit handicapped.

1st oct, a brand new month. busy mth for my family, bbb bday, kakak bday, mooncake festival, our 6th years anniversary. as what As told me, be brave to face LIFE. ya, am doing ok, just hoping my test report can come out faster, then my dec pap test would be ok, then i would be happily end year 2009 - a very challenging year to me!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

i love royee boy~

bday cuppy cakes

ya spending my mc to non stp backing cuppy cakes in the afternoon. it is quite challenging coz my lower abdomen been in pain, it is either strong force or light pain. so while baking the cakes, royee was always on my mind, coz this is the only support for me to move on. am hoping for his sunny smile when seeing these cakes, and celebrate his bday with his friends. last weekend i had completed packaging the party pack, now, the cakes. i did sms As, 'xlarat ooo.. sakit oo.. now face down on the sofa' ya, i dislike uncertainty, especially when the pain nonstop reminding me my my body is sick, but i dont know what it is. aiks.. i told As i was sad, coz am pushing myself to do everything that can cheer up my bbb, n am afraid of the time limit that i can be with my children. am treating my every today as the last day.. so better sleep less n do more.

the boxes

muffins that supposed to use for royee bday cakes,
but my choc sponge cakes SUCCESS!! :p

so i packed the choc n vanilla muffins for angels classmates

my 1st trial cuppy cakes deco, a bit messy..

hmmm not very satisfy with it..

but cukup to make kids happy :p

this is the final pic :p

candles to be on the 'FOUR' cakes

cutie eggs

from hot water..

into icy cool water..

deng deng deng ^_^

18092009

today is a special to me n laogong :) back to year 2003, we submitted our marriage registration form to the pejabat pendaftaran banting. we were on leave on that day, together went n took passport-sized picture, i was wearing blue shirt? then submitted the form.. and waiting the formal registration on 22/10. time flies hor.. now bbb also 4, 3, 3 already :p

many malay colleagues have gone back home to prepare for the hari raya. me too! cant wait to go back home, coz laogong is coming back today from singapore!! 2 weeks oooo.. in these 2 weeks, got life stone bang to me, got so many thoughts came in my mind. now is waiting for laogong to be back, and share with him inperson.

4 days cuti, i will try as much recipe as i can. n relax myself at home. ^_^ 2 friends gathering, 1 family gathering. i hope i can pick up a song n play with piano, i need music recently :p

yo~ selamat hari raya to all kawan kawan.. and happy holidays~ ^_^

amazing grace

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now I'm found.

Was blind, but now I see.

Twas grace that taught my heart to feel

And grace my fears relieved.

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed.

When we've been there ten thousand years

Bright shining as the sun,

We've no less days to sing God's praise

Then when we first begun.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost, but now I'm found.

Was blind, but now I see.

non stop listening to this song.. i need peaceful mind :) dont want to complicate everything further, just enjoy the days to the fullest ^_^

midnite talk

5.15am am listening to qin ai de, i need sunny happy tune. 4am wake up from my dream, many nightmares eg my grandma masuk jail bcoz of wanting to visit her son hmm.. Something on laogong forgot already..

Travel to UK with sis, so the happy, we go to mothercare! But wondering why we enter watson. Not sure if uk has watson, n i try nice rasberry cake in watson, then sis buy some xmas souvenirs. Sounds great right? Go to my dreamland, see the origin mothercare shop, with my dearest sis on our favorite xmas day!! But, the reminder comes in, when the watson cashier asked my sis, r u sure u want to buy these? They cost £102 each. I look at the thing, the xmas tree deco, tongkat alike small thingy. Ya why buy it, so the expansive n not worth it! Convert to ringgit msia, wahhh! (sis's accountant habit, so calculative :p) Then sis being in silence, suddenly i can read her thought, these r cute, easy to carry along n they bring meaning of sis, uk, dreamland, xmas, n sis may leaving..... (5.26 am am dropping my tears, non stop :~~~)

5.29am huuuhhhh 5.30am am controlling my tears. Like a fountain hmmm. am charging my phone, am sitting on angel's matress, angel sleeps on my bed, i wrap myself with blanket, in the dark aircond room, listening to happy tune..

1st time crying after the pap test result. I read many forums on hpv, also read about ppl crying everytime when they got their pap test or hpv result. Hmm. Last evening when i drive back home from the training class, i was listening to 'amazing grace' so the peaceful, n i think of this, can i have no tears throughout this journey? Even the end result is so bad, i must also be smiling n laughing.. N ask my friends n family dont need to worry n be sad bcoz of me? Just now when i wake up at 4am, i check my yahoo messenger, got messages from laogong, missing laogong so much :( i think of this, when laogong comes back from singapore, i may hug him n cry.. But just now, thinking of sis's worry of losing me n what she wrote in her blog, i know both of us thinking the same - what's next? When?

So far, i am not in fear. Am ready for everything mentally. Financially, need to depend on my medical card n papa sponsorship if treatments needed :p oh ya, i have my epf too! but. Am worried about my bbb. This is the only thing that pause me for being total release n peaceful mind.

Well, i know there is a turning point for everything, maybe my next 3 mth report will show satisfactory result. As i told As yesterday, this is a sakit, then i go for treatment lo. She said, u r talking about yourself right? N u r laughing now? I told her, if it is bad case, n if i be sad n ignore it, then i would die more faster.

Think of this way, worse case is having cancer, n i need to go thru not comfortable punya treatment process. Worst case is it cannot be cured n i cannot continue staying with my dearest family members n beloved bbb. But i can see angels (not my bb angels har) n God in the heaven :D ok what, this is another God's challenge, i have accepted it. Remember this, God always gives u challenge that u can handle ^_^

5.53am suppose to wake up at 6am n prepare myself to work. Yesterday n today i have motivational class on 'find your purpose in work' at the same time, it tells about purpose of life. This class comes in the right time :) wants to go to the office earlier, so i can reply some urgent queries from end users, n update blog :p kakak left my laptop at bkt31, n wondering why i cant update blog with my iphone hmm.

Gambatte!! Yo! Yo! :D

Ps: blog edited on 8.18am, soooo many spelling mistakes :p i was not ok just now hehe. N i wont gave extra time to do some office work n update blog, i have only time for quick breakfast. Cannot skip meal ooo. Now i am like pregnant mummy, eat well sleep well dont skip vitamins n food supplement n dont pressure myself :) let body immune sys does the rest ^_^ coz i dont know what else to do while waiting for my next test.

my pap smear result

called up the clinic for my routine pap smear result, then the nurse asked me to call back n talk to my gynae. then called back, the nurse said, gynae wanted to see me n discuss with me. before i made appointment, i asked againf for the result thru phone call, the nurse said need to discuss with gyane, after i insisted, she only told me, i need to go for further test on HPV.

very quickly i search online about HPV - human papillomavirus then a lot la info came out. cervical cancer is the main thing that caught my eyes. oppps.. so many info, hpv is the 2nd smallest virus after HIV, no treatment, no symptom.. but also got something to make u release a bit, not all the hiv is cancerous.. so many so many.. was blank at that moment (so many silly emails i typed on that day :p)

ok. went to see gynae. simple n quick. doctor showed me my report, out of the few sentences, he circled the HPV infection. 'u r having hpv infection. this may lead to cancer' then he handover to me a cervical cancer & hpv related diseaces booklet. 'have u heard about hpv?' he looked into my eyes n asked me. 'yes' i was calm. when u know more about the topic, u wont be nervous, so i thank the nurse who hints me about the report 1st. or else, i might so the nervous or scared or whatver la in front of the doctor :)

then, came out from the room, met mei who came to the clinic for her postnatal checkup. i told her this. so the calm one. i was proud of myself :) called up my sis, she cried in the office, poor gal. thanks for loving me so much. or memang aquarius gal likes to cry huh? :p called up laogong, laogong being silent. went back home told papa n mama, mama said, it's ok, u have 3 children already. papa said if it is still early stage, do whatever to make it better. sms my 2 brothers, no reply from them. sis said, how u want them to reply to u, talk this cannot, talk that cannot, they must be feeling bad now.

it's ok.. i am feeling peacefully. only bbb in my mind.. n pls do your pap smear test if u haven’t done so..

roller coaster~

once a while i buy this mini pac for bbb

royee came to me, mummy, i have finished my tit-bits.. but i have this..

what a surprise!! silly boy~ :D

we love boooooks..

august end, i went to 2 book fairs to buy many books! for myself, laogong, bbb, friends and nephew. we may need to buy more for incoming years, coz bbb grow up, n they need more workbooks and story books :) all money ooo.. but very happy lo, can see so many books in a huge hall..

sis n i went to bookfest @ kl convention center. smart us, drive to klcc

or else dont know how to bring those books back with by taking trains..

books for children.. 20-30% off

luckily i didnt bring bbb there, if not, dont know how to stop them from choosing those colorful books :p

after our 1st round shopping in bookfest, we brought the books to the car

n have our late dinner at delifrance

sis checking the menu n price :p

we chose the buka puasa set dinner~

fizzy drink + cincau.. great nice

the appertizer.. the sambal ikan bilis is nice

mine, mushroom n beef. sis, tomyam something - a bit oily

the milky dessert. good try.

everything was nice, maybe we were hungry n tired :p

that nite, we reached home almost 12am.. with many bags of books.. ^_^ the next sunday, after coming back from sunday school, we left bbb in the house. then laogong brought me to cheras for the christian bookfair. so happy to see the children books n cds. nice key chain n wall deco too! non stop asking cash from laogong nia, coz many stalls didnt accept credit card. kekeke.. laogong became the portable ATM for me :p

asia christian book fair

after few hours in the book fair, we went to take our early dinner. we went to the restaurant 'ka fei guan' in pandan indah, where we loved the place when we were paktoring in year 2004? ordered the same craypot laoshu fun and yam bubble tea. miss the taste!! after makan, wanted to go to the pasar malam, but laogong said it was early. on the way back, we were looking for pasar puasa... the puasa bazaar. we didnt get one, until we reached bukit tinggi klang. dabao foods for kakak then went back home..

nice outing. thanks laogong for accompanying me. n thanks for the cash :p

director or stopper?

something had started wrongly,

and temporarily closed incorrectly.

if there was a choice, the storylines would be changed.

been thinking a final decision or solution, for everyone's happiness

for freedom of mind.. for release of the insecured soul~

happy 090909~~!!

terkejut from the dream, woke up at 4am+, went to the toilet, then checked my phone. no messages no missed calls from laogong. last evening 7pm+ he was taking train from guang zhou to hong kong. then, after that, no more news. so the worried :( cant fall asleep.

then sent sms to all my friends who are in my phone contact. i have lost lots of latest phone numbers of my friends after i changed my phone and laogong deleted all the contact in my previous phone :(

happy 090909! Be happy 99 yo~ hehe ^_^ - i sent this out, n i got some replies

hahaha you too - kupo's dad

mich!!! u bangun sahurr ke? - kak norida - this made me hahahahaha :D

hehe.. thanks - sha

thanks michelle... same to u - irma

hi good day 2 u~ :D - qian qian

happy 999 to you too. live 9 and prosper :) - aik han

happy 090909! have a great day - susan

chinese sms from shi yi and yee chean

this made me down :(

not happy lar. my mum pas away monday nite. this friday morning go out - jetsew

and yet, no reply from laogong. bbb were sleeping with me last nite. put on the blankets nicely for them, then slowly, i prayed and slept. 8am+ non stop calling laogong, all gone to the voicemailbox. so the worried. in the train, suddenly i got laogong's sms 'oh okay. phone low batt but no place to charge. will sleep again. dont worry' as usual, must manja sikit 'u scared me :( thot to call your office already. good care'

happily go to work lo. so many works n reports pending. hmm. 1 at a time. i told myself. last year today, i was also being so worried. coz sis in law admitted to the labour room. so the kanjiong. and now, my nephew yu jet is 1 year old!!! time flies~~~

yu jet n siao gu (siao eh~~ :p)

jack's multipurpose thumb print :p

children are always lovely :*

just got called up laogong, he is rushing to china guang zhou from hong kong. the journey is from hong kong > shen zhen > guang zhou > the airport. he said might not able to catch up 7pm's flight. hmmm.. must be tired then. yesterday from 3pm-8pm+ then only reached hong kong, then received call from colleague, the project cancelled. then now, need to go back to guang zhou to take flight. will reach kl 10pm+ then tomorrow morning will fly to singapore :~~~

zhugong, i love u :*

mail from zhan jiang

laogong in china guang zou - zhan jiang - guang zhou.. these r pic from zhan jiang. laogong n i like the hotel room design, got the inspiration for our master room :)

zhang jiang. laogong said this is rural place

hmm quite developed ma.. look at all the tall buildings

hotel crown plaza?

we like the simple workstation

good idea for my room too~ but not the color combinations

told laogong, the small pillow looks so lovely n romantic~
i want to have glass wall for my bathroom, thinking where to hang our tv..

the way angel sits

after the doctor mentioned about the way angel sits, only i noticed that, angel always sits with her legs openned. so this cause her to walk not stable and always fall down especially when she runs. doctor said, the best way for children to sit is to sit like buddha. legs crossed. eva is ok. so now, i always reminds angel to sit like a baby not like a duckling. and i need to buy sport shoes for angel, so she can control her legs n feels her legs. now she is wearing the 'crocs' style shoes, doctor said, no good for children who are learning to walk stable.

from small, she likes to sit like this..

i love to see sisters playing :D

royee n U

'mummy, i havent written my 'u'..'

he always starts at small letter word

after few characters, 'mummy, my hand is tired'
then mummy holds royee's hand n write

this leftie bb insisted to write with his right hand hmmm

easy for mummy to write, but is bb ok to write with right hand?

bbb medical checkup

chosse a saturday when royee's music class holiday. few days before, i been telling bbb i wanted to bring them for jap. 'the jap is for your health, good one' so they got themselves ready. went for hepatities-A immue jap and body checkup. another hep-a boost up after 6 mth, then no jap for them for few years after this. at last, complete everything. but this time medical checkup, i was a bit worried n down :( coz many issues n need our attentions.

royee

20kg. slightly overweight. he is having night ashtma, when he is overweight, he need to catch his breath after exercise. then reflux problem that cause him as a habitual vomitter. then, must check immediately if he is having dylexia, before his formal kinder class started. hmm few mth to go. reduce watching tv time to 1 hour a day to improve his attention n focus

angel

is tall. speaking not clear. need to go speeach speacialist if the speaking is still not ok. reduce watching tv time and encourage her to talk. the legs problem, need to go for another specialist to teach angel walking properly, but this dont need to go immediately, for time being, monitor her sitting posture. must sit like buddha. given medic for her reflux problem too.

eva

16kg. slightly overweight. her left eye is still weak, althought the eye has improved. continue monitoring and consult eye specialist if needed.

while waiting for mummy to do pap smear

time flies. same seat, but mummy now no more pregnant, n bbb have grown up :p

eva :D

siblings having fun

doing funny faces

many things parents can help to do the correction when children are still young. so now i want to explore more on the related medical condition for bbb. and dont delay their treatments if they the treatments are needed to. money is 1 of the issues. so work hard la. junie asked, was i being too kanjiong or over sensitive about children development? ya, that's why i check with specialist, i dont want to sweap the problems under the carpet, coz time is the important element here. when it is the best time for treatment, better we do it now. in my ability, if i can change some of the conditions that might cause bad feeling or lacking of confidence to my children, then i would try my best to help them. to me, children edu n health issue, must start at right time and take full benefits of the golden ages.

anyway. am still worried on all these things.. hmmm..

messy fun~

swimming pool or messy fun? bbb chose COLOURS! lesson learnt from previous messy session, this time, let them wear only the cutie panties :p children n kakak felt funny with this half naked look, coz bb always in their appropriate suits one. sleeping time with pjs, swimming at home also wearing swimming suits.. whoever not wearing cloths, the other siblings would say 'shame shame' :p kakak non stop 'hahhaha.. tak pakai baju'

warming up..

evangeline

so the happy~

angelina

from fingers painting to hands print

angel

shone jay

he is on diet now, dr commented royee was slightly overweight

angel. like this :)

eva. ya, another bb slightly overweight..

hohoho started buat hal

cute eva :p

tummies pun ada

roinn. royee. robei.

back pun ada

no final painting done. coz the paper gone to the dustbin

time for mama to wash the body painting

not easy. sis asking 'mie, is this your so-called education?' :p

as long as children are happy, a little mess am still ok with it. only some times and waters are needed :p from this session, children got to know eyes would be not comfortable if kena soap. angel few times tested this out, by rubbing her eyes with her soapy hands. then wawawawa :~~ good explosure. no harm, but good memory n experience.