Been having back knee pain for months, whenever I stand up after I bend my knee, I feel the mild pain and not comfortable. Lately, even when I lay on the bed, my left shin feel the after-cramp pain. Finally, last week I went to clinic for consultation. Doctor given me 2 medicine. If this medic doesn't help, then I will be referred to specialist for leg screening.
Last night I felt the pain again after I sitting and folding cloths. After taking shower, I told angel 'if mummy needs to go for leg surgery, then mummy can't take care you all for a period of time' laogong immediately answered '
it's ok, never mind, since mummy is always sleeping at home by the way'
I know I shouldn't be bothered for what laogong saying without considering my feeling. But yet, this phrase of words have hurt me..deeply. Many thoughts came into my mind. Many negative comments floating in my mind too. I stayed silent in the night..and the tears, dropping in this raining morning..
Shall I asking for a role change? For a week change where I stay in my mother's house or I go travelling, then laogong stays home and do whatever I need to do with children?
Eg..
Force to wake up in the morning, taking short shower and dress up fast. Wake children up, not only once, but few times and accepting their morning temper with smile so they don't delay anymore. Put a set of ironed school uniform + socks + panty + handkerchief + pocket money + belt.. So they don't sit there and crying for all these things.
When leaving home to the school, make sure all water bottles are filled and put in their bags. Look for rubber band to tight angel's long hair. Need to patiently ask angel stay still so you can right the hair tidy and fast. Get ready for last minute - die-die-must-do stuff eg missing books, art class stuff, school fees.. Have to control your bowel even you feel wanted to go to the toilet, or else children will be late to the school.
Evening in the office, you may say this to the boss 'sorry, can we continue this tomorrow? I need to rush for the train' or reject colleague dinner invitation although how you wish to have some personal time with your colleague. In the train, calling sis to confirm who pick up children or what to pack for dinner. Feel so guilty if traffic jams, children staying late with hungry stomach and day care center have to over-time taking care the children.
Clean the dining table and sweep mop the floor coz of children messy behaviour. Asking children for homework checking and those spelling/ejaan/ting xie practise. Rushing them to sleep before too late. Bear with their temper coz you stop their tv program or masak masak games. To let them sleep fast, story telling and lullaby singing.
Wash the dishes in the kitchen at the same time the washing machine is operating to make sure school uniforms, sport wear, panties and socks are available. If the living hall is too messy and dirty, sweep and mop the floor before I hang the cloths in my room for speedy drying. Then fold some cloths in my room, take shower, do some children instructed task eg looking for a missing activity book, art class boxes, jacket for tomorrow presentation.. Then, laying on the bed, sending a good night message to husband to let him know I care about him..
All these night activities happen from 8pm to midnight. Then starts again for the rest of the weekdays..
Feeling guilty when too tired to hang up the washed cloths Taking flu pill after umbrella children to the school Applying heat balm for aching neck and shoulder Eating breakfast in rushing time while waiting for train Finish dinner and doing housework in work attire Handling children arguing and fighting in tired mood Laying on the bed with lonely feeling Wishing for warm hugging from lover with empty heart Worrying husband working out of the town, safe? taken meal? Sexy girl temptation? Under pressure of husband comment on messy house, bad children behaviour, poor academic result, ugly wife look, not understanding on husband tiredness and lots of entertainment.. 
Tomorrow is 10th anniversary of my marriage :) guess, this is the only thing I hope to get from my beloved laogong. I hope for his understanding and empathy on what I have been experiencing when he is away from the home. And not coming back home and telling me 'my hotel room is much tidy and clean than our house' or 'I see you sleep everyday and not doing a single housework'.
Housework is never ending. Housework is not equal to love we contribute to the family and to our spouse. When we complaining about our tiredness and pressure from the family and work, doesn't mean we deny our partner's work stress and family commitment too. What I hoping for in my marriage is the true understanding of my feeling from my laogong. Yes, this is my wish for 2013 anniversary.
