it's 12:12 am. angels n laogong r sleeping. oppss.. eva is coughing, she is not feeling well. i am in the middle of this big room, typing in the dark. feeling sleepy, but i felt to record my day.
dawn. received sms from a special someone asking 'how r u?' suddenly gary chao ge' new song - lonely man's lyric came across 'i am not okay~~' 'feel like myself is being destroying' this was my 2nd reply. in this early morning, i got new discovery n i got so many queries answered, n i got so many uncertainties.. after sharing my feeling with laogong. 1st time i found myself feeling so secured in laogong's arm. seriously, i am so tired of everything.. too many challenges for all my roles. many things are out of my plan or imagination. i got confused n down when my ideal model is not happening. anyway, thanks to the sms, at least, i was in someone's mind during the sms exchange 'i know i can go thru all the challenges :)'
so tired and so the blank, how i wish i could take a day off. but i cant. i chair a communication session with end user n vendors, n bosses r so wanted this to be happened. drove to usj warehouse, the office where i worked when i 1st joining this company. so many memories came to my mind. ya, this is also the only office both me n laogong working together :) ohhh no, we worked together at the internet cafe too! wow times fly, most happiest moments that time when we staying together at sunway n ampang. no worries n burden. reached usj late, didnt expect the traffic jam at the highway. joined my friends there we went for breakfast at summit. i ordered for roti telur+ bawang. when i heard ppl ordering thosai, 'ya hor, why i never order thosai? i dont eat roti ma..' but it was too late :~
final touched up to the presentation slides, then we went to shah alam for lunch before the comm session started. everything went well, 1st time met the vendors. n without further thinking, i commited myself to some additional job :p never mind la, kerja saja la. left the office around 5pm. in fact, i was feeling down. when i think of what i heard ppl telling about me 'apa michelle buat? she has nothing to do, everyday sitting there open facebook only'. tell u, i am so shocked n down about this. 1st, oh.. ppl noticed me and care about my performance. 2nd, why facebook? i am much ok if u told me i was always in my blog. coz facebook is not my main hang around site, n i can access facebook 'just a touch' with my iphone. ahhhh... apa saja la.. i do online like no body business during lunch time n after 6pm. during working hours, i wont sit there n online for long except do some fast internet banking transactions or just to take a short break, coz i need to clear my workload. but ppl see me online n dont check when i access internet then i got nothing much to say.
can u get my frustration? been trying hard to be a good mother n teacher to my children, but i got feedback abiut my children not so good attitude n their performance in the school 'need more time'. been wanting to be a good daughter, at least dont need to trouble my parents, but now i 1 family staying in parent house in weekdays just to accommodate my children study n safety. been loving loagong with my ocean deep love, n more feeling sharing, but somehow there is always conflict n misunderstanding. been wanting to make myself smile more, laugh out loud, n feeling happy from my heart, but i found myself look n feel tired n no more sunshine. sooo.. finally i chose my work as the part, where i have more confidence in, as long as i work hard then i would get some nice comment n rewards (spot award was a BIG surprise to me), but ending up, ppl see me spending time n work for facebook. this is the question i been asking 'what else? what's next?'
after left usj, thot to go giant shah alam to fetch sis. traffic jams made me lazy. so i headed back home. it was still early, laogong would leave the office at pm, i have no house key. then i decided to go to saloon to trim my hair, guess it wont be crowded in this friday evening. laogong called me right at the time when i wanted to leave the saloon. he said long time didnt go for a movie.. but both of us bringing laptops, so we met at home. after taking shower, we went back to aeon bukit tinggi for dinner. spent laogong this dinner, sempena my spot award :p i did celebrate this with sis, we went ktv. then i promised to buy toys to bbb when salary out. aiya, forgot about laogong. so we makan together just now n window shopping. we didnt go for movie, coz almost all the sessions were FULL.
reached home, saw bbb, i felt warm. never mind la, how hard the situation is, i still having my lovely bbb to support n cheer me up. so mummy needs to be strong n confident :) for those things that are beyond my control, keep the faith, anyhow, i am just being tested and trained to be better and to have more wisdoms ^_^ for friends who are really concern about me, thanks for your messages, feel blessed to have u :)
good nite lo. want to rest now. been coughing n feeling weak n low i spirit for this week. may all my dreams come true, 1st hopefully it would be the piano set that laogong n i seen at the shop. suitable for young learner like my royee boy! laogong got surprise 'wahh, u also know how to play ar?' yala, every saturday mummy learns do re mi too! :p after piano, wii? laogong's new car? no no no.. i hope i can get promoted with my own hard work, i want to shut off those 'cctv' in the office, kidding la :p i hope i can prove to myself, 'michelle, u r doing it right, u get what u working for' btw, thot to shut down my blog too! coz there are 'cctv' too! laogong said, ppl came here just to know about u n your family, that's it.. let them la.. (am still considering this :~)
sweetie pen-off @ 1:26am
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